Sunny California

San Diego is lovely. It's wonderful to see my friend Danielle who I haven't seen since before Christmas. We've been on the beach and to Fashion Valley (!), met up with one of my good friends yesterday who gave me a promised cd of Dominican music and more. I finished reading In the Time of the Butterflies (Julia Alvarez) today, and I've got my pre-field manual sitting right next to it, so you could say I'm getting all educated for my trip. Hah. There is so much that I don't know. I was telling Danielle the other night, there's no way I can prepare myself for everything. A part of me cannot believe that I'll be getting on the plane and going to the place in just a few weeks. This music is beautiful though, I recommend Juan Luis Guerra. Thanks Nate. 

Some Thoughts for the Day

Some things I'm thinking about. 

Rosetta Stone. 

I really like Rosetta Stone. It makes me happy. 

I'm working on it to bolster my Spanish. It's interactive software that teaches you the words for things without using English at all-- it's like immersion learning. You speak and listen and type and it does grammar somehow, I'm amazed. All the pictures are really beautiful and I want to go to the places in them. I'm amazed at the artistry of some of the photos-- one of the "la puerta" pictures is a blue door with a brown wall and it's gorgeous. All the color photos are cool textures that they took with a camera with a lot of megapixels, pictures of feathers or elephant skin. They didn't have to be so creative with everything, but they are. I wonder if that helps you to remember somehow-- if it stops you from associating with the thing itself. If I saw a grey square, maybe I would translate it into English. But if I saw some elephant hide, maybe I wouldn't? I wonder about the people whose jobs are to take the pictures for Rosetta Stone. Where do they live? Do they get to travel to all the places, or are there photo contributors everywhere who send the pictures in? How long does it take to get all the photos? How many photographers are there? It's fascinating to me. How do they choose which pictures to use? And then, this is the coolest, they have milestone exercises at the end of the lessons where you actually have conversations with people (not real other people). And these pictures are the most dynamic-- you feel like you're in a movie. My adrenaline gets going when I can't automatically think of what to say back. I get into it! I want these people to be my friends. They are all so happy. Everything is nice in Rosetta Stone world. lol. This is the way to learn a language. 

Books. 

I could start this one the same way: I really like books. Books make me happy. 

I went to Barnes & Noble today, and I think I could live there. I like finding good things. that you didn't know existed. Without thinking of any books beforehand, I could go into B&N and find ten things that I wanted to read, probably most from the fiction section. Today I bought Peace like a River (Leif Engar) and No Man is an Island (Thomas Merton), both were recommended by a friend who also likes reading and spiritual things. Here's a clip from No Man is an Island's "Author's Note" that I liked: 

I consider that the spiritual life is the life of man's real self, the life of that interior self whose flame is so often allowed to be smothered under the ashes of anxiety and futile concern. The spiritual life is oriented toward God, rather than toward the immediate satisfaction of the material needs of life, but it is not, for all that, a life of unreality or a life of dreams. On the contrary, without a life of the spirit, our whole existence becomes unsubstantial and illusory. The life of the spirit, by integrating us in the real order established by God, puts us in the fullest possible contact with reality-- not as we imagine it, but as it really is. It does so by making us aware of our own real selves, and placing them in the presence of God. 

Merton was a Catholic monk/theologian(?) who wrote a lot on contemplation. The books calls him a "world-renowned religious philosopher." He wrote poetry, too. I think we would get along great. 

That's all for now 

Dominican Republic

I'm going to the Dominican Republic this summer to do a six week internship with Kids Alive. I'll be at the care center in Caraballo, on the north coast. Here's a link: http://www.kidsalive.org/dr/pcccss.html I'm excited! More to come later in the summer. I don't leave for a month. 

An exercise with H words

Honey gleams in the corner

hum of your mouth-- 

honest hole I stare into 

hour on hour. 

 

I would make my home, 

close to holy words,

near hands that play. 

Together our harmony

builds a humble church,

headed by a two fingered steeple. 

How long we waited, 

every peal of hollow bell

sharper than a hammer's edge. 

From this house 

all homilies proclaim 

hallowed be He, 

the one who hears. 

In the place of healing, He comes, 

inhabits the fellowship of our steeple. 

Sargent's "Street in Venice" Ekphrasis Exercise

This is a set that I did for an Ekphrasis class at Wheaton fall semester 08 with Prof. David Wright. I came across them a week or so ago, and I kind of like them. Ekphrasis means that music or art is involved in the generative process. It's a very fun way to write-- it helps your imagination. I really like this painting because it seems so full of possibility. Sargent is great at painting women, and there's a lot of movement in his work-- to me, his paintings seem full of stories. In Ekphrasis, you decide what the stories are. It's art about art, playing together. 

It all Depends on the Sky
—after John Sargent’s “Street in Venice”

Without the sky
we cannot tell
if it is afternoon
dusk or morning,
if the men loitering
in the alleyway
prepare the morning meal
or make bets at cards.

We do not know
whether or not
to show concern
for the young woman
in the rustling white skirt
lost on the Calle Larga
dei Proverbi. It all depends
on the sky—will the two
huddled in the doorway
follow her or forget her
as soon as she turns the corner.


Angels in the Alley
—after John Sargent’s “Street in Venice”

Once I heard the story of a woman
and two angels in an alleyway,
and the space around this Venetian girl’s
cloaked frame is just wide enough
for her to be flanked on either side.
I think that is why she clasps her hands
together in front and sets her face straight—
she knows. The man in the doorway can see them.
His wormlike eyebrows are lifted
so they brush the bottom of his hat,
and his mouth is the shape of an apricot.


A Wrong Turn
—after John Sargent’s “Street in Venice”

It’s so easy to get lost
in this city of bridges.
A cloak is not enough
to create safety in the pulse
of the Venetian girl who is
as light on the stone street.

Where is her father,
her uncle, or cousin
that she wanders
in the skyless scene.

The streets are wet in patches
and someone is always hungry here,
a wrong turn.


Sargent’s “Street in Venice”
—after Anne Sexton’s “Her Kind”

I, too, have pulled a dark cloak
around my shoulders,
and on other nights roamed
barefoot behind the chapel,
hair rain-smeared to my face.

I, too, am familiar with the eyes of men
trailing the current of my steps
and have kept my gaze low.

Culture, culture, culture

I'm in a biculturalism class this semester, and I'm learning incredible things already. We read chapter five called "Cultural Assumptions of Western Missionaries" from Paul Hiebert's book Anthropological Insights for Missionaries, and so many things stood out to me. We had to write a summary of the article and mine ended up being five pages or so long. I will put up the highlights-- the two things that stood out to me most about myself and the way that I am are self-reliance and need to be liked. Maybe you will relate. If you would like a copy of the summary (that is not particularly well written) facebook me, or find the book yourself. It's incredibly eye-opening. I was thinking as I read it, "What would happen if everyone in the world read one of these about their culture in relation to other cultures?" Maybe there would be less war, fewer disagreements, who knows. Before reading this article, I wasn't even aware that people could think about things differently in certain areas, but I'm learning that a lot of the way I think and react to things is because of my Western/North American culture. Whoa.

Self-reliance
“At the heart of a North American’s identity is self-reliance. Francis Hsu, a Chinese anthropologist, points out (1961:248) that the greatest fears Americans have are to be dependent on others and to be without money. When our car breaks down, we hesitate to call friends for help. And when we need money, we would rather borrow from a bank than beg a loan from a brother or cousin. On the other hand, when others ask us for help, we take the request seriously, just because we know it is not made lightly. But we resent it when people constantly ask for loans, for help in baby-sitting, and for transportation. We expect people to take care of themselves.

Need to be liked
“North Americans place a high value on being liked and see it as a sign of success in social relationships. Since we worry over how others feel about us, we read acceptance or rejection into every coment and gesture they make. The glad handshake, the ready smile, the slap on the back, and the word of praise have all become our normal behavior. Without such expressions of friendship and popularity, we are confused and unsure of ourselves because we are denied one of the requirements for personal assurance in a highly individualistic society. Social success is an important measure of achievement. Stewart (1972: 58) notes, “Americans tend to judge their personal and social success by popularity—almost literally by the number of people who like them.” To be liked means we are worthy of love. It does not necessarily mean we need to like others in return or that our relationships with them will result in friendships” (126).

Old Confessions

I was looking for a friend's address in my Facebook inbox and ran across this message. I wrote it one night almost two years ago now. I read it tonight expecting to criticize some of the word choices and logic or structure after a year and a half at Wheaton, but instead was surprised at its rightness. Not only that, but it is something for me to recover. This is an Ebenezer for me as I look back over my faith. And this is how I want to live everyday-- with this mindset, a profound sense of gratitude for my salvation. I don't want to get wrapped up in myself and "my own" things. I wish that I could make my conversations this simple with people who don't know, because this is what the gospel is. 

my confession: i believe in the living God.

tonight i went to an on-campus ministry called crosspoint. when i came back, i was so excited about being free that i sent a facebook message to someone i didn’t know to tell them about God’s love and forgiveness. and then i realized that i felt comfortable telling a complete stranger about my faith, but i couldn’t tell the people i live with. i realized that i was afraid. i’m not sure how to describe the fear, maybe afraid of being judged or labeled unfairly, afraid to go all out, afraid to cross the line and risk ridicule. maybe i never felt this passionately about it before, but i’ve got to tell you about this love, or i’m going to explode. as i sit here with shaking wrists, i’m coming out. i’m telling the world, starting with Gunn Hall and West Georgia, that i’ve sold out for Christ. i can’t hold back anymore and i am not afraid.

i have to tell you that God sent his son Jesus to rescue you and set you free. he created the whole universe and he has a plan for your life. he loves you, whether you are walking with him or not. above all, he desires to be close to you. he's turned my life upside down and given me opportunities that i never dreamed i would have. he's provided for me and saved me from depression and fear and shame. i stand in awe of the mercy and power of God, of the love that casts out all fear. i hope that you know this same freedom and joy of being forgiven and redeemed, the excitement of a fresh start and the promise of life with the one who made you and knows you.

what i have just told you means everything to me, this is what my life is built on, what i was made to proclaim. when i remember this i am filled with joy and peace, the hard things don’t seem so hard because i rely on God. he already has victory, so i don’t have to be afraid. Paul said, “to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

i want to apologize for the times when i haven’t acted out this faith, when i have been mean or critical. i’m sorry for not helping when i should have and for not being available. i’m sorry for giving an impression of indifference, that is not how i feel…

i just wanted to tell you about this love…

sarah mathias