Tuesday, November 1, 2011


All my friends are thinking about callings. What are my passions? What am I good at? What do I love? It's the post grad season and you've come out of college thinking you're one thing only to find out that you really aren't. Thinking about doing something  someday in the vague future is completely different than actually doing it every day-- then you know that a) you were disillusioned b) you might not want to have this job for the rest of your life c) you have no idea what you really care about.

But I don't think there's any way around this. How do you know something fits or doesn't fit until you try it? And don't tell me those experiences don't benefit you later in life. You've gotta learn something on those jobs. And how about the time-- all that time to think about what you really do want, what's your next move, what lessons are there for you in the season that you're in? We always want to "get there," that place where we're happy and perfectly satisfied. Things are in order and there's no unsettled feelings or doubts.

One friend talks about a "life plan." Should we have one? One benefit of moving so much as a child is that you never get too far ahead in your planning. I started to think about life in terms of where I lived. When I lived here, I did this. When I lived here, I did something else. And that rhythm carried over into my life even when I wasn't moving so that I liked to try new things every year. Crew one year, SMP another year, etc. Lots of change makes you more tentative about locking in your options and staking it all on them. You develop more of a "we'll see" attitude. But having a "we'll see" attitude is not a license to stop engaging with the people in your current world. In every world, invest fully and the fruits will come, albeit mysteriously at times.

How do you know what you love? Is there a fast-track way of figuring this out? I don't know. For me, it dawns on me during or after I do something that I really love it and it jives with who I am and I can't live without it. It brings me joy.

One thing bringing me a lot of joy these days is working with my class. I am more and more enchanted with them as I get to know them, even their mistakes are endearing. They got their school pictures back yesterday and I had the impulse to stop homework time and say, "Everyone hold up your school pictures for me to look at!" One of my bosses was in the room with me for the first hour, and she was telling them all to put them away because they were expensive and it was homework time ; ( But I wanted to look at them and tell them how good they turned out, etc...

Discipline can still be hard. So can getting them to be quiet when we go to the gym.

Tonight is our culmination activity for the month-- the costume party. We're having one this afternoon and one tonight at a library. My favorite costumes are Mario and Luigi that I made the hats for. Yesterday we added white gloves and mustaches and they looked fabulous. I'm excited for the fashion show today when they get to flaunt their costumes. We have an abundance of sweet props too. For spongebob we have a spatula and jellyfish net. For the two cheerleaders, I found some pom poms at the dollar tree. We have plastic crowns, Gokou hair (thanks, Jon, for making me watch that with you), hot pink gloves, and a purple boa. Peter Pan looks like Peter Pan.

Is this my calling? Not sure. Not worried about it right now. Just enjoying where I am. Thankful to be here.

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